It's been seven months since I've last stepped in here. Seven months of thinking the worst of it all has gone, that every single nightmare has passed; Seven months of being able to breathe a little easier, sleep a little more peaceful, and even start thinking about a better future.
Then a phone call changes everything. It's true what people say, things can change in a split second. A few words can make the difference between heaven and hell. Those few simple words can make all the difference.
I really hate coming in here. So many bad memories just rush back and hit you like a tsunami. You never expect this to happen; you will always think, it's just something you read in the newspaper or see on the TV; and you judge that person, saying what an asshole he is.
But when it happens to you, you won't feel the same. You start to think about ways to solve the problem; you try your best to find a solution; you fight like hell to stay alive.
But what do you do when you run out of options? When you're so tired you don't even know what else to do anymore; when every breath is so painful yet you force yourself to continue breathing because it's the only option for you to survive.
I really don't know what else to do anymore. I'm so tired of this shit, having to constantly live in fear of what's next to come; not knowing what tomorrow holds, whether it'll bring good news or bad; thinking about every single option and weighing out its pros and cons just so you can live with the lesser evil.
I'm so tired. I really want this nightmare to end. I want us to be able to live like before: carefree, happy, no worries. Times were simpler then. You didn't need to think about any other shit except being yourself.
Will it ever come back?
