I'm Complicated

Haven't blogged in a month, been so busy with mid semester exams, clinical attachment, assignments and presentations. It's almost so hard to find even a spare minute breathe. There's always a curveball at every turn and always something new you need to deal with. I'm physically and mentally tired, just wanna run away from every thing and crawl into my own little corner.

Clinical presentation is on next Thursday, have to be fully prepared to be bombarded with questions I'm sure I can't answer; two assignments pending; finals in three weeks; viva and OSCE just around the corner. I don't even know how I'm gonna survive.

His birthday was on Monday. I didn't know what to say to him, so I just sent a simple 'happy birthday' wish and attached Taylor Swift's song, "I Almost Do". It's true, so many times I want to run to him, and say hi and smile to him; but I know I can't. Because I can't say hello just to risk another goodbye. It's too painful. I've allowed him to hurt me twice, all for the same reasons. Do I need a third time? Of course not.

But so many times I would think to myself, what would happen if he kept his promise? Will everything be different? Will we be happy? I really don't know, and thinking about it just makes me have even more questions. So I've decided to ignore the feelings and suppress my emotions. I can be strong. This is just another repetition; I can face it again.

I know I'm complicated. If you can't accept that, please don't walk into my life.

xoxo

-Penny-