Free fall

It's 2012. As rumours have it, the world will end in less than 9 months. When this news first came out, I don't want the world to end, especially since there are still so many things that I haven't accomplished.

But right now, sometimes I do think about the world ending. For some people, it means the end of everything; For some people, it means having to say goodbye to their loved ones; For some people, it means that everything that you ever believed in will come to an end, and maybe - just maybe - you might have the chance to start everything new all over again.

Let me free fall into the unknown.

xoxo

-Penny-

Back at one

Yesterday marked the beginning of study break, which means that mid-semester exams will start next week. Spent the whole day procrastinating and watching Private Practice. Then at night, I went out with an old friend and her boyfriend for a simple dinner where we chatted and laughed and gossiped.

We've been talking a lot lately, but mostly on Facebook. It seems to be so much easier to talk when you don't have to face each other. It really helps to avoid any and all awkwardness, especially when your conversations suddenly come to a halt and you don't know how to continue.

Loving someone means trying your best to make them happy, even if it means not being with you.

Read a quote yesterday that hit me straight in the heart, "The bravest thing to do in this world, is to smile and listen as you talk about your love story with her".

xoxo

-Penny-

Fantasy | Reality

Been rather busy lately, especially with the research project which just seems to be going wrong at every level. While other people are sleeping in until 12p.m., I'm rushing off to lab at 9a.m. to finish off all the tests, and later feeling so sleepy I dozed off during lectures.

Have yet to begin studying since every day has been so hectic and crazy. I'm reaching home at around 6p.m. almost every day, and after bathing and having my dinner, I start to feel so tired that I just couldn't concentrate. So I decide to go to bed early, but no matter how long I sleep, I still feel tired and lethargic the next day. *sigh*

We've been talking rather a lot recently, somehow I feel like we're back to where we were before all the awkwardness. Our topics are still pretty much the same, but at this point, I guess it's the best I could hope for. I'm a simple person who just wants simple things. Is it too much to ask?

xoxo
-Penny-

Past tense

Went for a futsal session on Wednesday, had lots of fun laughing and screaming while chasing after a ball that I could never seem to kick at. Hurt my foot during the process, and now there's bleeding under both my toenails, but even though I used a needle to carefully prick at it, it's just not draining out. The idea of going to see a doctor about it scares me to death. I guess I just dislike hospitals. FML. =/ (P/S: In case you're wondering, futsal is actually just indoor football.)

So just now while I was watching Private Practice, my phone rang. It was a Whatsapp notification, and it was from him. I was like, "Dude, what's your problem? You're just in the opposite room. You stopped spamming my Facebook chatbox, now you're spamming my Whatsapp?"

Still, I replied and we chatted for awhile. This morning I woke up with some weird tingling feeling, that I should just let everything go and be the bigger person. So that's what I'm doing. Everyday is a new day, and what happened yesterday is in the past. Right now, I'm just gonna be the bigger person. And maybe just stop caring.

xoxo
-Penny-

March

All of a sudden, February is over and March is here.

Life was so busy I didn't even realise time is flying past. Research project is going well, although a little behind schedule; assignments and lab reports are starting to pile up; mid semester exams are in about 3 weeks, but still lacking motivation and concentration to study. I'm gonna die again this semester. =/

Things have been getting awkward for us. For some reason I don't feel like talking to him at all. In lab, he keeps sitting beside her and you can see the two of them happily laughing away. He follows her around like a lovesick puppy, and when she's busy, he'll just sit there and watch her with puppy dog eyes.

Somehow I feel really sick and disgusted. He's not shy about flirting with her in public, but what makes me more pissed off, is how he's so nice to me around other people, but ignore me when it's just the two of us.

My heart doesn't hurt anymore, and the emotions that replace the sadness are just anger and disgust. This morning while on the way to school, he passed me his phone and asked me to help calculate something. I unlocked his phone and his Whatsapp was on, but when I pressed 'back', the first thing that I saw was her name and the message of 'Good night and sweet dreams, see you tomorrow'.

At that moment I wanted to throw the phone at his face, but I resented. I suppressed the anger and just smiled. Breathe, I told myself, just breathe.

Maybe this is for the best. Without him constantly in my mind, maybe I can finally let the past go and start living my own life. Screw you, and screw her. I have my own life to live, rather than be disgusted at the pair of you fake bitches.

xoxo
-Penny-