Fourth time - fuck charm

Finished off Pharmacology IV paper this morning. What to say about it? Fuck it like always.

It's hard when you have 24 hours less than everyone else to study. Pharmacology II yesterday was crappy as well, today was slightly better although it's still pretty much crap.

God, please just let me safely pass all the papers this semester. I promise to be good. And be vegetarian for a month.

Four more papers to go. One week to home.

 

xoxo
-Penny-

The final goodbye

So it's official then. You and her are together. Can't say I'm surprised. I've had my doubts months ago, but seeing how you only declare it publicly on Facebook moments ago, I guess it's getting serious.

You've moved on. I will to. No more missing you, no more sleepless nights thinking about you, no more re-reading our conversations and crying myself to sleep. What I need to do right now is delete everything about you from my life. I wish you all the happiness in the world.

And I hope she screws you over like karma.

This is the final goodbye, I promise.

xoxo

-Penny-

Happy Winter Solstice

So today is 21st December 2012. Woke up this morning and thought to myself, 'Hey, the sun is up'. And I went back to sleep. LOL. Guess the world didn't end. Or maybe tomorrow due to the time difference? Who knows.

It's winter solstice festival today, and usually I'll be home celebrating. Yet this year is kinda different as I'm stuck here having to cram all the notes into my brain and missing home so terribly. Two more weeks to go. I want it to end so badly, yet I don't want to face exams. Irony much?

Been spending a lot of time rewatching Gossip Girl, as usual totally loved Chuck Bass. Hey, if you can work that scarf, you deserve it. I guess I'm just finding stuff to do rather than studying. Sigh. I'm so gonna regret this next week.

If two people are meant to be together, eventually they'll find their way back. - Chuck Bass

xoxo

-Penny-

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale

I want to move on from you really badly. I really do. So please let me forget you the same way you've forgotten about me.

When you needed me, I was there for you all the way. When I needed you, you were nowhere to be seen.

I wanted a relationship, you didn't. I wanted us to give it a shot, but you didn't share the same faith. I wanted us to try, but you backed away and stood me up.

And now you have someone in your life. I guess I saw it coming. You actually did want a relationship; just that it wasn't with me.

I had so many dreams about you and me, Happy endings, Now I know.

xoxo

-Penny-

I Still Miss You

Yesterday I told myself it was time to let go, that it's time for me to move on with my life just as you've moved on with yours. You didn't appear in my dreams last night, so I took it as a good sign.

Then just now during in campus training, of all the places there were, I ended up sitting behind you. I stopped dead in my tracks when my friend pointed to the seat next to her. I hesitated, but other people were starting to settle in so I just sat down. But the whole time I felt very uncomfortable. As the lecturer was talking in front, I found myself staring at you. I knew you couldn't see me, or maybe you knew I was watching. You kept perfectly still, only on two occasions you took out your phone to reply messages. And even though I couldn't see your face, I knew you were smiling.

Tomorrow's OSCE got cancelled, not feeling any sighs of relief because it just meant that Thursday will be hell busy with another viva. Feeling so helpless since I couldn't study any of the lecture notes; nothing seems to be going in my mind at all no matter how many times I read it over and over again.

This week is already the last week of lectures, which means next week is already study week and finals will be the week after. Have so much studying to catch up on I almost don't know where to start.

God help me.


xoxo
-Penny-

I Dreamed A Dream

I dreamt about you for two consecutive nights. In both dreams, you held my hand and asked if we could start over. Before I could answer, I jolt awake and was covered in cold sweat.

I guess I've been listening to too much Taylor Swift. Her voice echoes in my ears, "In my dreams you're touching my face, And asking me if I want to try again with you; And I almost do".

Last week was when all the coincidences happened. My friend asked you to drive his car as he was too tired. And you did. Watching from the back seat, I had to admit you look good. You always have. I stole glances at you while you were driving, knowing you can't see me as I hid myself from the rear view mirror. For one moment, I almost forgave you. Then, at the red light, you took out your phone and was busy replying messages. I didn't see the name, I couldn't see the contents. But you were smiling as you typed, and I knew you were happy.

At that moment, I knew you had moved on. And yet, here I am, still standing at the same position, waiting for you to come back. How foolish of me.

The moment you stopped the car in front of my house and I got out, you said the first word to me all semester - goodbye. How ironic could it be? You never looked at me, not even one glance. Your eyes were set straight ahead, and the moment I closed the door you drove off. Like you just couldn't wait to get away from me.

After that I told myself it was time to let go, that it was time for me to move on too. You didn't need me anymore, so why I am still waiting for a miracle I know would never come?

Yet, why do you still appear in my dream? And sometimes I wonder, do you dream of me too?

The song that never fails to make me cry.

xoxo

-Penny-