Alone

I've stepped in here so many times before, and never have I been so indecisive about what to write down. A million things are running through my head, it somehow becomes a huge blur that I can't seem to focus on anything.

Today someone asked me, how come I can be so calm about doing things by myself? Don't I get lonely? Well, the truth is, I'm used to this life. After so many lies and backstabbing, somehow I've seem to lost the ability to trust in anyone. You get doubts about everything and everyone. You find yourself constantly wondering, what will this person do? Will he betray me? Will she stab me in the back? Is she talking about me behind my back? Is he badmouthing me?

The only person you can really trust is yourself. That's the hard truth. I've had to endure it the hard way. Having someone so close to you betray you and lie to your face - it's a punch in the gut and that feeling never goes away.

 

It's been the second week that I'm here, and I mostly keep to myself. I guess it's just me being anti-social, but I like the feeling of it. I'm free to do what I want and go where I please. I've always hated being confined; I'm just a wild horse who wants to run freely and see the world. The girl who was once so afraid of eating alone, is no longer afraid to ask for a table for one; the girl who was once so scared of the unknown, has learnt to accept whatever it is life throws at her because she has been through so much; the girl who always hides behind a mask, is no longer afraid to show her true emotions.

Somehow along the way of life, we grow up. We realize that no matter how hard and bleak things might seem, there is no lone path to the solution. When God closes one door, he opens up another. You just need the courage to take that step forward.

 

xoxo
-Penny-