And so, a new semester begins

Somehow this blog has been vacant for almost three months. Been home for about 4 weeks now, finished 6 weeks of industrial training and one week in Bali. Overall it was a pretty busy holiday, but it's finally coming to an end.

Parents' copy of last semester's results arrived in the mail yesterday. As my hands trembled to open the letter, I kept on praying in silent. My heart has never beaten so fast in my entire life. I held my breath as I pulled out the thin paper, and that one moment, I nearly burst into tears.

One semester safe. All subjects passed. Although my GPA was horribly low, I didn't care. I had passed this semester, so I didn't need to retake any subjects. I was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief, and it felt like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders.

Will be leaving home in two days' time, not wanting to go back so badly. This coming semester is gonna be another killer, since I need to retake Pharmacology II. But I made a solemn vow to work triple hard for it. I made it through one killer semester, I can do it again.

Hello September. Please be awesome.

 

xoxo
-Penny-

History on repeat

Just came back from Pharmacology III. And I only have one word for it: "Fuck".

Stayed up late to study until 2.30a.m., barely slept for 3 hours before getting up to continue revision. Again, I actually felt quite confident, thinking that I could do better than mid semester. Then, when you see the question paper, your whole world shatters like a bullet hitting a glass. And for that 3 hours all you could think to yourself is, "Why did I even bother in the first place?"

Screwed up so badly for mid semester, and this was my last chance at redemption. This was the last chance I could prove that I can actually do it, to score well to get a pass. But then, another curve ball is thrown straight in your face. I don't even know what to say anymore. Studied so much but all those questions never came out, what did come out was a whole bunch of crap that I'm not at all confident in answering.

Well, another semester screwed. No problem, just re-take the paper only mah. So big deal meh? Having the final paper on Thursday, hopefully it doesn't screw me up again. *all fingers and toes crossed*


xoxo
-Penny-

Hello June

 

It seems that I'm posting on the first day of every month with the same title. A new month is here, and it's already halfway through 2012. I guess time really flies.

Another week to go before I'll be home. Missing home terribly. I really wanna let go of everything here and go back to the only place where I know I'll feel safe and secure. I wanna be able to laugh and be myself again, to say whatever I want and do all the things I love, just be around the people who truly love me.

Dare to dream.

xoxo

-Penny-

Keep holding on

Third day of study week, so far things are going pretty well. Managed to keep up with my study schedule, but there's still a whole lot to work on. I'm gonna try really really hard this time, and I believe I can do it. *positive thinking*

The whole world cannot give up on you if you don't give up on yourself.

xoxo

-Penny-

Stressed

Having viva on Friday, which will contribute a crazy 15 marks to the whole subject. Really stressed out at the moment, it seems that reading so much but still unable to memorize anything. Memorized the first page, but when I move on to the second page, I forget everything on the first page; and the cycle keeps repeating endlessly.

People always think I'm so chill and calm. I'M FREAKING NOT. I just try my best not to show it. You'll never know the feeling of not even daring to sleep because you can't finish memorising the notes; you'll never know the feeling of sleeping 3 hours a day and waking up in the middle of the night to continue studying, but feeling so tired you actually doze off on your chair; you'll never know the feeling of jolting awake at night thinking you'd overslept, to frantically find for a clock to see the time only to realise you'd been sleeping for one hour.

And this is what's gonna happen for the next three weeks. Oh God, please save me. =/

Exhaustion

Finally finished off my research presentation today, handed in our thesis and everything is finally over. Three months of hard work paid off when the supervisors gave us good comments, and it was a huge sigh of relief.

These past two weeks have been so hecticly crazy and busy that I've almost lost track of time. It's the final week of lectures, but there's still an assignment pending and another viva session on Friday. After this it's a week of study break and then two weeks of finals before I'm finally able to head home.

xoxo
-Penny-

I Don't Care

So Monday was like any usual boring day. Woke up for morning class with the usual Monday blues, listened to my iPod throughout classes, and went home after lunch since our supervisor was busy so we couldn't meet with him to discuss our research.

I logged in to Facebook for awhile, checked for new posts on our class page to see if there are any announcements. Then, all of a sudden, a chatbox pops up, and his name appeared.

"So long didn't disturbed you already," he typed.

"Oh yeah? I guess that's what happens when you get new friends," I replied.

Another two lines later I logged out and went back to minding my own business.

That evening a friend called to come by and pick up something from me, so I went downstairs to open the gate. He was there in the living room, with his phone in hand. He called out to me, but I just stared blankly at him for one second, then went on to open the door.

I had pictured so many things to say to him, but the moment I saw his face, my mind totally went blank. Except for two words: "F U".

Just a few minutes ago he buzzed me on Facebook again. I merely asked, "Umm sorry, are you talking to me?"

I could tell he got offended. But I don't care. Why should I?

Don't tell me I'm different, that I've changed. I'm still the same me. What changed was my attitude towards you. Because people like you don't deserve being nice to.