Keep holding on

Third day of study week, so far things are going pretty well. Managed to keep up with my study schedule, but there's still a whole lot to work on. I'm gonna try really really hard this time, and I believe I can do it. *positive thinking*

The whole world cannot give up on you if you don't give up on yourself.

xoxo

-Penny-

Stressed

Having viva on Friday, which will contribute a crazy 15 marks to the whole subject. Really stressed out at the moment, it seems that reading so much but still unable to memorize anything. Memorized the first page, but when I move on to the second page, I forget everything on the first page; and the cycle keeps repeating endlessly.

People always think I'm so chill and calm. I'M FREAKING NOT. I just try my best not to show it. You'll never know the feeling of not even daring to sleep because you can't finish memorising the notes; you'll never know the feeling of sleeping 3 hours a day and waking up in the middle of the night to continue studying, but feeling so tired you actually doze off on your chair; you'll never know the feeling of jolting awake at night thinking you'd overslept, to frantically find for a clock to see the time only to realise you'd been sleeping for one hour.

And this is what's gonna happen for the next three weeks. Oh God, please save me. =/

Exhaustion

Finally finished off my research presentation today, handed in our thesis and everything is finally over. Three months of hard work paid off when the supervisors gave us good comments, and it was a huge sigh of relief.

These past two weeks have been so hecticly crazy and busy that I've almost lost track of time. It's the final week of lectures, but there's still an assignment pending and another viva session on Friday. After this it's a week of study break and then two weeks of finals before I'm finally able to head home.

xoxo
-Penny-

I Don't Care

So Monday was like any usual boring day. Woke up for morning class with the usual Monday blues, listened to my iPod throughout classes, and went home after lunch since our supervisor was busy so we couldn't meet with him to discuss our research.

I logged in to Facebook for awhile, checked for new posts on our class page to see if there are any announcements. Then, all of a sudden, a chatbox pops up, and his name appeared.

"So long didn't disturbed you already," he typed.

"Oh yeah? I guess that's what happens when you get new friends," I replied.

Another two lines later I logged out and went back to minding my own business.

That evening a friend called to come by and pick up something from me, so I went downstairs to open the gate. He was there in the living room, with his phone in hand. He called out to me, but I just stared blankly at him for one second, then went on to open the door.

I had pictured so many things to say to him, but the moment I saw his face, my mind totally went blank. Except for two words: "F U".

Just a few minutes ago he buzzed me on Facebook again. I merely asked, "Umm sorry, are you talking to me?"

I could tell he got offended. But I don't care. Why should I?

Don't tell me I'm different, that I've changed. I'm still the same me. What changed was my attitude towards you. Because people like you don't deserve being nice to.

Perfection

 

I'm sorry that I'm the one thing in your life that isn't perfect.

Forgiveness?

Went to watch The Avengers just now with the usual gang, enjoyed the movie to the max. Absolutely loved Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man, his sarcastic dialogues never fail to make me smile. Chris Evans is totally hot too, and I did manage to develop a liking to Hawkeye at the end. Maybe because of his bow and arrow. Reminds me of old times during high school. *sigh*

Now we're at the position where we're avoiding each other, even on Facebook. Today I found her online quite frequently, so I decided to make myself less miserable by not logging into Facebook so often. But then whenever a notification for Facebook message pops up on my phone, a tiny part of me wished it was him. Yeah I know, but what to do - I guess I'm just a sucker for love. Or maybe just him. =S

Yesterday someone asked me about both of them, whether or not they've already started a relationship. I honestly don't know - we don't talk about these things. Or at least, he doesn't talk to me about it. Of course, why would he? The girl who had a crush on him that he just treats as a little sister? Yeah right.

Having 8a.m. class later, and yet I'm still online at this moment. Been thinking a lot about my life lately. Amber Riley's voice is playing in my earphones now, "Sometimes I wonder, where I've been? Who I am? Do I fit in?" Have a sudden urge to cry, but I tell myself I can't.

After everything that's happened, the one thing I cannot give you is forgiveness. Just so you know, not every 'sorry' deserves forgiveness. Especially if it's from you.

I'm just not gonna care anymore.

xoxo

-Penny-

Hello May

Just came back from second round of celebration. First time celebrated my birthday late, but still, had fun talking and laughing. Went to a restaurant at Bukit Mertajam (I have no idea why they chose that place LOL), named "Stone Age". The surrounding and decoration was nice, though the food wasn't all that great. Had Secret Recipe cake for dessert, and I finally had my Oreo Cheese. =D *melts*

After dinner, we went for Round 2 at Auto City. They had initially planned for Häagen-Dazs ice-cream for me, but after the cake I felt so full I didn't really feel like eating anymore. So after a long debate, we settled for OverTime for some casual drinking with good music.

Tried Starker Larger, Pinacolada and Frozen Magarita, it was almost a miracle I didn't get drunk, just felt really sleepy and tired. Again, sitting in front of my laptop blogging while waiting for my hair to dry. Will be going for 'The Avengers' later tonight, heard from reviews that it's a really great movie, so I'm really looking forward to it.

Speaking of which, prom pictures from our batch are out. Not a lot of people went, but everyone looked really nice overall. As usual, they had their photo taken together, but this time they crossed arms, and immediately everyone went to 'like' the photo. I saw it while at OT, and that moment my heart sank.

Last week when he asked to go celebrate my birthday, he suggested watching a movie, so I asked, "Avengers?" He said he'd already watched it during the premiere show, then today he updated his status saying it was 'an awesome movie and a great day indeed'. At that moment I got really pissed. I don't care who you watch the movie with; please don't lie to my face about it.

Still not feeling like talking to you, so I'll just ignore you until I feel better. It's just the first day of May, and my life is already sucking like hell. Ughh.

May, please be really good to me. I need my good luck. =/

Happy Labour Day to everyone. =)

xoxo

-Penny-