Her group was there too, and they had just finished. Her teammates had just left while she placed the remaining glassware in the drying basket. Then she walked over and smiled at me. We talked for awhile, but I noticed how she kept checking her watch. I didn't say anything, but just smiled. Then she said goodbye and rushed out.
I didn't get home until after 6, and the internet was down so I had to call and had them check on it. Just then I heard the gate open and footsteps rushing up the stairs. There was the usual sound of the door opening, then a few minutes later I heard it slam shut again. The sound of the gate closing could be heard just a few seconds later, and then there was silence.
After the internet was finally back up and running again, I went to shower and then went downstairs to cook dinner. Just a simple soup dish and some green tea. Then I went back up to my room, put on Grey's Anatomy and started eating dinner.
Suddenly my phone rang, and it was the notification for a message. I opened it and it was a friend, who asked if he was home. I said no, he already went out. That's when he said, someone had seen him with her in the car.
My mind went blank for a moment as I tried to interpret what I had just read. It was as if the message was in some foreign language and I didn't understand a single word. After I laid down my phone I stared at my laptop, not knowing what to do. Suddenly I'd lost my appetite altogether, and I just drank the remaining tea, then cleaned up and went straight to bed.
The clock on my table showed 9.30p.m.
As I had predicted I couldn't sleep. I just laid there, blank thoughts in my mind as I tried to force myself to sleep. I didn't know how long I tossed and turned when I finally dozed off. But I didn't sleep long. I woke up again at 12a.m., feeling refreshed. My laptop was still on as I had left my downloads running. I heard noises coming from downstairs and I knew he was home. I opened Facebook and expected the worse, but there was nothing. The green dot was beside his name, but suddenly I felt disgusted and annoyed. I closed the webpage and went back to sleep.
Awhile later my phone rang again, this time was for Facebook Messenger. It was him, asking how come I was still awake at this hour. I closed the app and went back to bed.
This morning he skipped classes as usual, which came as a relief for me as that meant I didn't need to be in the same car as him. After lunch as I was on my way to lab, suddenly someone called out for me. I looked up and saw him, standing there, smiling. I smiled back weakly and walked away.
Just then the elevator arrived, and he called out my name once again, pointing to it. I shook my head and walked up the stairs instead. The feeling of being in the same elevator as him was about to suffocate me.
He's still not home at the moment, but I didn't want to care anymore. The funny thing is, I don't feel angry or sad. My heart is just hurting a little, as I was so disappointed that he couldn't even be bothered to be honest to me about this.
I always thought that this wasn't his fault, as he had a choice to make - either me or her. Then I realised, there wasn't any choice at all in the first place. It has always been her, as it always will be. I was never part of the equation, just as I never will be a part of his life.
xoxo
-Penny-
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