Goodbye April

Just came back from a simple gathering with old friends, had fun laughing and chatting while reminiscing about old times. I really miss some of these old friends, whom I can talk to freely without worrying about what to say and what to hold back. These are the true friends that accept me for who I am and will never try to define or judge me. Although we don't see and talk to each other that often anymore, these are still the people that I will always cherish and remember for the rest of my life.

So prom pictures are pretty much all over Facebook now, had a great time browsing through them while stalking. Was mostly interested in their dresses and shoes, but overall everyone looked amazing and glamorous. Was kinda surprised that photos from our batch have yet to be uploaded, those that are circulating at the moment are all from juniors and seniors.

But did manage to have a look at what those bitches wore to the event, in my opinion they looked nice - but not very striking. But still, I don't wanna judge anyone since I didn't see them in person. But most of all, I was really surprised at her outfit. I really don't get it - she's so pretty in person, yet she's always making amateur fashion mistakes. First year, she wore a dress that looked like she just came from the beach; Second year, she wore a dress that was almost similar to mine the year before, but had weird matching colours of black and beige; Third year, her dress finally looks decent, but her hair was tied up in a bun that made her look way beyond her age. I was like, WTF?!

He looked nice and different, since he wore a grey vest this year with black blazer. What I didn't understand was the red tie - but I didn't say anything since I thought it wasn't necessary. We're back to the part where we're not speaking to each other at the moment; ever since we came back from my birthday celebration on Friday, I feel sick talking to him - yeah, the guy who claimed he joined our karaoke session just because of me, yet sat there for 5 hours Whatsapp-ing another girl straight in my face.

So April is finally coming to an end, as we welcome May. A new month for new beginnings. Things are gonna be better. *I hope*

Goodbye April. You have been amazing.

xoxo
-Penny-

22nd

So D-Day is finally here, but I don't feel anything special. Not really in a celebrative mood since there are so many things to be completed. Studies are at a complete standstill since research is the top most priority now. Presentation is due in two weeks and the thesis can be so killing.

When Facebook introduced the timeline function and I switched over to it, I decided to remove my birthday from my profile. Still, some people did remember it was my birthday and wished me. Others probably saw people wishing me and decided they had 5 seconds to spare so they typed something out of courtesy. Anyhow I thanked them for it, but I don't really get the point.

Went for karaoke marathon session just now, had fun laughing and singing with the usual gang. But I had the biggest surprise when he told me earlier that he was going too. I didn't expect him to join us for our singing sessions. When he told me about it, my first thought was, "OMFG I don't wanna go anymore." But the room was already booked and I was really craving for ChaTime, so I figured, what the hell.

We were having fun singing when he arrived with another friend. I got even more annoyed when he sat next to me, when the room was big and there were other places that were free. So fine, whatever. Not even 5 minutes after he sat down, he took out his phone and started typing. Her name was there, and he was Whatsapp-ing her right in front of me. I got so pissed I walked out from the room and to the washroom. I almost wanted to just leave and go walk alone. But I took a deep breath, and walked back to the room as normal as I could be.

I don't get it. You are obviously more interested in talking with her. So why even bother to come to my birthday celebration? And you barely sang two songs, since you were so busy with your phone. It's not like I valued your presence. I had seriously hoped you didn't come along, at least then I am able to sing in peace.

So prom will be in 19 hours, but this year will be a break for me after attending for the past two years. Voodoo plan seems to be cancelled since no one wants to go. Yeah, I figured as much. Lucky I didn't get my hopes up too high since I know I'll definitely be disappointed.

Happy 22nd to me. Another year older, another year wiser. I'd promised myself to learn from my mistakes and never let the past be repeated. I'll do better from now on.

I promise.



xoxo
-Penny-

Don't grow up

When you're a kid, you'd always hope that you could grow up faster. To you, being a kid sucks. Your parents won't let you eat more than one candy a day; you only get to play with plastic toys; your teacher is constantly repeating the same words every day in school; your exams are about colouring animals or drawing your pet.

Then you grow up and start to experience the world. You get to stay up late at night, drive to the movies and hang out until you feel like it; you get to eat whatever you want without your parents saying you can't; you get to play with all those electronic gadgets, like your phone, your XBox, your laptop; you even get to move away from your nagging parents when you go to college and be a free bird.

But slowly, you realize that things are not always picture perfect as it seems. Friends betray you and talk behind your back; money is always an issue and you constantly find yourself broke; You study your ass off the night before, but when you see the exam paper you still can't answer a single question and end up failing.

And then, you wish you were a kid again where you wouldn't need to face all these problems; when the hardest question to answer was what flavour of candy should I buy from the candy store.

xoxo
-Penny-

17.04.2012

So the finalized list for Industrial Training is out, and I got CCM-Duo Pharma at Shah Alam. Pleased with the outcome, but still trying to find a way to solve my transportation and rental. When I saw the list for Ranbaxy in SP, I was a bit relieved I didn't apply there, because all those who got it have CGPA higher than me, which means I'll never get it anyways. At least the usual gang will all be around Selangor area, so we'll probably have our shopping and karaoke sessions during the weekends. =D

Exam results were released too, did okay for Pharmaceutical Analysis, but very horribly for Applied Therapeutics and Pharmacology. I didn't dare to go see my results for Pharmacology because I knew it would surely be bad. Already expected a fail, just needed to see how badly it is. But right now I just don't have the courage to do so. *sigh*

Three assignments are due this and next week, still struggling with research thesis and studies. And I'm horribly broke right now, don't even know how I'm gonna pay for electric bill later. Sent my old phone for trade in on Sunday, but the guy said he's not sure if anyone will buy it, and even so the price wouldn't exactly be very high. I don't really care, right now I'm desperate for money. Thinking of selling off some unused perfume and clothings too, but without regular transportation to go to the post office, I don't see how I can do so.

10 days to go. I'm curious to see what they have in store for me. And please, please, please - I wanna go Voodoo badly. Or Mois. =/



xoxo
-Penny-

Regrets

Posting for Industrial Training was done last Friday, where we were given a piece of paper to write down the industry we wanted to be sent to. I had a hard time debating between here in Sungai Petani or in Selangor. I had previously discussed with a friend who said I could crash stay at his place for those 6 weeks since I've stayed there before (twice actually LOL) and his parents kinda know me. So I wrote down an industry in Shah Alam together with a bunch of other people, but still stating my second choice as SP just in case.

I didn't want to write SP because I knew a lot of people would sure apply for the same one. And they'll arrange according to your CGPA, which means the higher it is, the bigger the chance you'll get where you want. With my borderline results, I think it'll definitely be kinda hard for me to get in since all the others that are applying are all smart people with sky-high grades. But the main reason why I didn't want to apply for SP is because that bitch will be there. Ughh. The thought of going to the same industry as her just makes me sick. Seeing her fake smile and pathetic laughter makes me want to slap her. So I just went for Shah Alam instead.

On Monday we heard the list is out and that I got the one in Shah Alam together with 5 other friends. But then the main problem is, my friend didn't get it since there were only 6 vacancies. He got another industry in Kajang which is nowhere near the one I got.

Which now has become a huge problem for me.

I asked another friend if I could stay at his sister's apartment since we'll be going to the same industry. He has yet to give me a reply, but right now it's got me thinking. Maybe I shouldn't have let my emotions get the best of me. If I had thought rationally, I would apply for SP since he will be here so transportation and where to stay won't be a problem for me. Even my mum asked me to apply for SP since she didn't want me to be a huge trouble for other people by staying at their place. But I didn't listen and I let my emotions overrule my judgement.

Right now that industry in SP is already full, and the only way I can apply there is if I exchange with someone. But I don't think anyone will be willing to. Going to Shah Alam will mean spending more money, and transportation and finding a place to stay will be a problem. We heard from last year's seniors that this industry in Shah Alam gives out allowance to its trainees, which gives me reason to stay.

But is the money really worth all the trouble? =/

xoxo
-Penny-

Earthquake?

Yesterday an earthquake happened at Acheh, Indonesia, and a lot of people said they could feel tremors and shaking around here. I was halfway through watching Lady GaGa's Monster Ball Tour when all the Facebook statuses appeared. That night during dinner with my housemate, she asked if I felt any shaking, because she did. I didn't even see my table shaking. Or maybe I just wasn't paying attention. =S

With the 8.9-magnitude earthquake, people have been warned to stay away from beaches with fear of tsunami attacks. For a split second his face appeared in my mind. He's going to Perhentian Island with his friends today, and suddenly I got worried. Picked up my phone and was just about to access Whatsapp when I stopped myself.

Who am I kidding? He doesn't need me to worry about him. He's probably worried sick about her, since she is from Penang island and that's where a lot of people say the shaking is very strong. So I put my phone back on the table and continued watching my movie.

Home alone for the next 2 days, which I feel completely comfortable with. I like the solitude and the quietness. Or maybe it's just because I'm awkward and anti-social. =S

P/S: Just realised it's Friday the 13th after posting this. =S


xoxo
-Penny-

Countdown

Finally finished one hell week of mid semester exams. Didn't do so well this time, I think the results are gonna be pretty bad. I did try very hard to study, but still couldn't answer the questions that came out, and even made stupid mistakes like misreading the question and giving the wrong answers. Told myself this is the last time I'm gonna screw up after the past experience, so I'll definitely work extra hard for finals. I'm gonna prove that I really can do it.

Just came back after a full day at Penang, went for the usual karaoke session, movie and dinner. Watched 'The Hunger Games' which was not bad, although it was a bit rushed compared to the novel. Have only read the first book, and still waiting for my friend to finish off the second book so I'll be able to read it.

So right now I'm sitting here blogging while waiting for my hair to dry, although my eyes feel so tired they can close any minute. Things have been so crazy lately that I have to keep constantly reminding myself to have faith and believe in the best. But a lot of times I still doubt that ability.

P/S: 3 more weeks to go. Hoping to be able to go Voodoo. *wink*



xoxo
-Penny-

Again and Again

Had Pharmacology III paper today, even though it was only  a one-hour paper, it contributed a hectic 15 marks to the total subject. Stayed up late to study and memorise, and I was actually quite confident with myself. After what happened before, I had phobia of going into the exam hall and sitting for any Pharmacology papers. But this morning I woke up feeling rather confident, and before heading out I took one last look at my notes.

But then, life has a funny way of throwing curve balls at you. When I opened the question paper, I was dumbfounded. WTF?! These weren't the questions I memorised. All the classifications, adverse effects, drug uses - none of it was seen.

Throughout the whole hour I just sat there, staring at the paper. I did read through all the lecture notes and I knew from which slide the answers came from, but I just couldn't remember the exact words. So I just wrote down whatever shit I could remember, and I knew this whole paper was screwed.

Wish me luck for Hospital Pharmacy paper tomorrow. This whole mid-semester is just plain screwed up.

I wanna crawl into a dark corner and cry.

 xoxo

-Penny-

All Alone

It's just the first day of April, and my life is already sucking like hell.

I've been feeling moody and sad lately. At first I thought it was just the hormones and stress. I'd get so pissed when this guy would come over and go to my housemate's room where they would laugh and joke so loudly I can hear from my side. He is our classmate and we used to be close, until he found her more interesting and decided to forget my existence. So now, both of them are like BFFs where they'd hang out and go out together until late night, and everyone else would think they're a couple.

But he said before, he won't date girls from the same class, or from this school. They live in two ends, one in the northern part and the other in the southern part. He's still in love with his ex-girlfriend, whom he still talks about from time to time; He still wears the ring they bought together; He still views her profile to see how she's doing with her new boyfriend.

So just now, my friend told me she'd found someone. I smiled and congratulated her, but I didn't know how true is it. Yeah, today is April Fool's day, so I don't really believe what she's saying. But still, I get this really sad feeling. And for days now, I keep thinking why. I did think it was jealousy, but now I know the truth.

I wasn't jealous; I wasn't angry; I'm just sad because everyone around me is moving on with a new chapter in their life, and they're happy. As for me, I'm still standing here, where I've been all my life. I don't know where to go, I don't know what to do, and I have no one.

There's no more spot for me on the happy train, and it has already left the station. And I'm here all alone with nowhere to go.

I do.

xoxo

-Penny-

Hello April

So March just ended, and today is April Fool's Day. Which means that my mid semester exams will be starting in less than 24 hours. To be exact, around 20 hours more to go. *sigh*

I love April. Maybe because it's my birthday month, or maybe because it just marks the beginning of the second quarter of the year. Hopefully ICS for Galaxy Note comes out soon.

And hopefully, April will be awesome.

xoxo
-Penny-